Thursday, October 23, 2014

Stage Seven is Heaven

Since it's wedding season here in AZ, I figure most people visiting this blog are getting hitched. So I wanted to share this beautiful letter I found while cruising other blogs...I found it on Le Love blog... It's very heartfelt and I think anyone who has ever been in a relationship that has gone south can identify with what he is saying. Reading it feels very intimate, almost like it's so personal you feel like you shouldn't be reading it, like you found your grandmother's diary. What I've learned in life about love from all of my past relationships is exactly what the title of the post says: let us at least try. You can NEVER fail if you spend your life trying, but the moment you stop trying, you fail. 


let us at least try

Photo via: Charlotte-robin

I'm not going to go all stalker on you, but I at least want to put my
 thoughts down. 
I need to get this out for me and once again I am sorry for doing this. 
Seems I've always been good at hurting you and now is no different. 

I was an unappreciative husband who didn't see how much I loved you.
I turned my back on you in your time of need. 
I didn't fight to keep you until it was too late.
I didn't show my love for you on a regular basis. 
I didn't keep you happy.
I tried to control you instead of letting you control yourself. 
I, in part, allowed you to become so dependent on me. 
I didn't make love to you every chance I got.
I expected you to turn off your illness to please me. With this one, 
there is some middle ground. I wanted you to see that you do 
have control and not to give up. I think I took it too far at times. 
I didn't realize how much I was IN LOVE with you until it was too late
And most of all, I didn't make you want to stay with me.

For this and much more I am truly sorry. None of this is your fault. 
I allowed this to happen and then I let you walk out of my life thinking 
what I was doing was right for both of us. Don't continue to blame 
yourself for what is going on, I started it and let it continue. 
I have failed you as a husband, a lover, and a friend. 
Please don't blame yourself, see this for what it really is.
About you learning to take care of yourself, this can be done together. 
I promise that. I want to go to counseling with you so someone can 
help us sort that out. We can go to Amy or anybody you want. 
Say the word and I will make the appointment myself. If we were 
to get back together, you would keep your checking account and money 
and we would split bills up so that you are responsible for some and 
would have no choice but to learn to take care of things. 
We can do this together, I don't see this as a viable reason to stay apart. 
I also want to talk to someone about finding that area between me 
being too controlling and me acting like I don't care. I want to learn 
how to be a better husband to you. 

What I do deserve is to be with someone who loves me so completely 
like you do. You have given me so much love and for that I am amazed. 
No one has ever loved me as you have, and probably never will. 
I have loved you more than I could believe I would ever love someone. 
I was very poor at showing it. 
I took for granted that you would always be there. 

All I want is for us to try to put the pieces back together. 
I want us to really work at it as a marriage should be worked at. 
I guess I thought that a good marriage required no work. 
Boy was I wrong on that one. I promised to love you and stay 
with you no matter what, and I just want to keep that promise. 
You are everything to me and I feel like nothing without you. 
The pains in my stomach and chest have become unbearable. 
I want to hold you all night long and not let go. I want to lay 
around and kiss you like its going to be our last kiss. I want 
to feel your skin against mine. I want the deep passionate kisses 
that we shared. I want to hold you from behind and kiss your neck. 
I want to go places with you and show the world my love for you. 
I want to wake up in the morning and see your face first thing. 
I want to be there for you whenever you should stumble or need a 
shoulder to cry on. I want to cry on your shoulder when needed. 
I want to go on the dates we used to go on. I want to grow with you 
and watch the years go by as we grow old together. I want to 
buy you flowers and see the expression on your face when I walk in 
the door with them. I want to wake up in the morning with no place 
to go and just lay with you and play. I want to get up on a 
Saturday morning and go out to breakfast, but only if we can let 
go of each other long enough to get dressed. I want to take showers 
together and explore each other's body like we're making a map. 
I want to be that man you fell in love with again. I want you to 
feel safe when your with me and for me to feel safe when I'm with you. 
I want to playfully wake you up in the middle of the night for some fun. 
I want to brush your hair, rub your back and feet. I want to make you 
feel like the princess that you are tom me. I want to make love 
to you like we used to, so passionate and full of love. 
I still get butterflies thinking how we clicked together as if we were 
made to be together. I never knew what it was like to feel as 
one until I loved you. I want to be your husband and to spend every 
moment of my life with you. 

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